Wednesday, February 21, 2007


Today I am feeling a bit better about being in my own skin. Of course I haven't heard yet from the surgeons but hopefully I will continue to be on the upswing for at least a little while. I actually did my hair and eye makeup today. I havent worn makeup in almost 2 years now, so it felt nice to do that again. Before, I would put mascara on then go wash it off and cry. Anything that would draw any attention to my face really made me uncomfortable. But today I thought I'd try it again, and it felt good when I looked in the mirror. I feel so encouraged by this, as it's a sign I am making a lot of progress inside.

I have also been trying to get out more, Chris and I make sure to go out at least once on Sat and Sun, each time we do I feel stronger and stronger. Someone told me the more I go out the easier it will get and they were so right. For that time when I am out among others I feel human again, and it really helps to lift my spirits. Just a short time ago it would be agonizing to leave the house and I'd have anxiety attacks thinking everyone was staring at me. The more I go out now, the easier it is to say who cares if they stare? I could look alot worse for what has happened!

Things I need to work on still are: eating in public (I have yet to try this out) and seeing people from my past. For some reason it is much easier to not care when people see me who have never seen me before and don't know that anything has changed in my appearance. I dread seeing people I used to know, and worry about what they will think. What frightens me the most is that they may feel sorry for me and think "Poor Tina, she used to be so attractive" maybe because I think it will make me start to feel sorry for myself again, which I am trying so hard not to do.


Emilie said...

HAWT, Baby!! Your smile is in your eyes and I love that!! Smooches!

Anonymous said...

Your strength is through your descriptive journaling. Continue on and remember, friends and family can be the wealth of support you need at this time. Enjoy the warmth and blessings of everyone who surrounds you and inspires your healing. While we journey through this process remember as we look back it will be a blip on our radar screen of life.