Sunday, February 4, 2007
I am feeling discouraged today, and down. I thought I would feel better reading others' stories, but I have gotten so mad. How come people much older than myself have had successful bone grafts? I am only 25 years old! I never had an infection after any of the surgeries. Taken care of my mouth and myself as well as I can. I just don't understand it. It also makes me worry that maybe something else is wrong with me. I was unlucky enough to get the ameloblastoma in the first place, who knows what else could be wrong. It is also discouraging to know that I will be dealing with this the rest of my life. That it could return at any time later on down the road, after my face is fixed and I have implants even and I could have to start all over again from square one, feel the stress everytime I go in for CT scans to check and see if its back, is just tiring for me to think of. I have been doing so well the past couple of days but not today. What's even worse is I dont want to be bitter. I want to be thankful for others who have had to endure this nightmare and have had good news, even if I myself have not. Maybe I am just not there yet.