Well, lately I have been ok with all of this.....its when I actually think about my next surgery that I flip out. That has always been a thing about me. I am able to partition myself off pretty well. I tend to shut up the things that bother me into a box and only think about them when I am forced to. That is why people have always said I am "so strong"....that is because the things that make me weak I tend to push to the back of my mind.
My favorite book is Gone with the Wind (next to Lord of the Rings of course! Hey, I never said I was cool) and that is because I have always been able to connect with the main character, Scarlet O'Hara. She would not think about things and deal with them, instead, she would push them away if they were painful for her to deal with. Unfortunately, things would catch up with her in the end and, in some cases, things had become irreparably damaged by the time she actually faced them. I dont want to be like that per se, but its often the only way I can deal without losing my mind.
I am still waiting to hear back from the surgeons. Maybe tomorrow. After all, tomorrow is another day...
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