Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Surgery cancelled

My surgeons ended up getting called in to an emergency situation and had to be in the OR...for most of the day. So of course I ended up being rescheduled. What sucks the most is I had already been at the hospital for an hour and a half waiting for my surgery before I found out. I was starving, cranky because our childcare situation hadn't quite worked out as we'd planned today and I was there alone, in serious need of some coffee and had no immediate ride home (Chris had dropped me off and was going back home to wait until my parents could pick up the kids, then was going to come back). Even bummier is that Chris took today off work, which was supposed to be his last day at his old job, and they are going to reschedule me for the first week (hopefully) of January, which is when he starts his new job so he wont be able to go with me when I do actually get to have the surgery. Gah! Today was sucky all around, so I came home and scarfed down a huge lunch and drank about 6 big cups of coffee to make up for it all, since I was having withdrawals. :)

The only good part of this is not having to worry about being swollen or uncomfortable on Christmas Eve and day, so I can enjoy it with the family. But I did want to get this over with!

Another thing I wanted to talk about is this pain I have been having in my jaw underneath my chin that has been scaring me for the past 2 days. The pain feels like a pulled tendon or something, like someone is stretching it and it happens when I open my mouth to talk or eat and can be quite painful at times, to the point where I quickly shut my mouth if I feel it (now now, no jokes about how happy my husband must be!). It has been worrying me, as I have some scar tissue down there that does look swollen all the time and I was worried something could be going on in there.

When I mentioned it to one of the doctors today though he immediately asked me: "Do you grind your teeth?" I said yes. Actually, I have always been a grinder (hee), to the point where when I was younger the doctors even mentioned I should probably wear some kind of mouth guard when I sleep because I do it so much. Lately I have been catching myself clenching my teeth so hard to the point where when I realize it and relax my jaw its sore! I never put the two together really. I think its just all the stress I am under lately. As is life, I am not just dealing with these medical issues, there is so much more going on at the same time with life and kids and such and just dealing with it all sometimes makes me feel I am going to lose my mind. I think the jaw clenching is just a manifestation of that stress and frustration. But it is nice to know that at least it could be something that is not too worrisome causing the pain in there and puts my mind at a bit more ease.

And so I have to wait again. Such is the life of dealing with ameloblastoma. Wait wait wait- then wait some more!

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Surgery again

They called to schedule it for the 23rd- 5 days away. So soon, but it was either that or wait until the second week of January. They said they are going to try to permanently attach the teeth to the implants during that surgery. From what it sounds like, it wont be too hard for them to get to the implants that are re-covered (or so they think) but I am not getting my hopes up too much for fears that they might not be able to get to them so easily as they think and I may end up going home again without teeth and having to wait some more. I really hope that doesnt happen, because its Christmas and I have family things I want to go to and things I want to do that I definitely dont want to do with my lower lip caving in and lisping with no teeth! So wish me luck that all goes well, of course I will keep you all posted as usual. If this goes as planned then there will be teeth in there permanently, which is what I have ben waiting for for 3 1/2 years now.

Monday, December 15, 2008

A glimpse into the future....

My hips hurt when it rains.

I'm going to be a super cool old lady.

That is all.

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Lucie from Quebec, Canada

Every time I check my aol email it seems I have emails from people who have read my blog and are keeping up with my story in some way shape or form.

Tonight I got a particularly moving email from a woman named Lucie. She did not have an ameloblastoma but she found my blog and for some reason the way she spoke to me just made me realize that what I am doing here is helping people to find someone to relate to, a way to know they are not alone in how they are feeling no matter what they are dealing with. And for me as well. I find every day that I must remind myself that I am not the only person out there who has had to deal with something that has changed their life forever. Whether it be an ameloblastoma, a person who is recently diagnosed with cancer, someone who has been in a car accident and had to have their leg amputated, or even someone who has had to have a mole on their face removed that has left scars- everyone has to deal with something medically-related in their lives that changes who they are or how they percieve their lives to be forever in some way...

We had a man recently on the yahoo ameloblastoma board who wrote that he had had a stroke as well as an ameloblastoma. He is now having a hard time writing and using one whole side of his body. But he reminded us that we are still alive to enjoy this life with our family and friends. It may not be life as we always pictured it to be, or a perfect one, but life could always be so much more difficult or horrible than what we are going through, although it is human nature to think we must be going through or have gone through the worst there is out there.

So thank you to everyone, for once again reminding me to be thankful that I am here to be with my family and friends, and also for allowing me to speak to you with this blog even if its for a very short time. Thank you for the emails letting me know that you have been keeping up with me and wanting to know how I am. Every time I get one I feel very much blessed that there are people out there who care so much about a stranger from California who is dealing with medical problems and chose one day to write about them online in the hopes that she would be able to find some kind of healing in the process.

And she has.

Thanks especially for your touching email, Lucie from Quebec, Canada!

Sunday, December 7, 2008

Not much new to report

I am still waiting for the doctors to call me back to schedule the next time they are going to work on me. They are going to have to put me under but its sounding like the implants that have re-covered themselves wont be *too* much of a problem to fix. From what I understand its pretty common, and as long as you can still see some of the metal then they can get to them fairly easily still. I can see just the smallest glint of metal but I can still see them so we are hopefully still in business. Its always so nerve wracking for me to be put to sleep but if I think about the alternative- being awake while they dig around in there and try to get the implant tops off- I think I will take my chances with just being scared.