Friday, November 14, 2008

Top 5 reasons you'll be way cooler than other people after having had an ameloblastoma

5. People will never punk you again. Why you ask? Because you can always say “Hey man- the last guy that messed with me was ground up and his rib bones were used to make me a new jaw by my personal surgeon…any questions?”

4. You always have an opening line when you walk into a bar to get girls/guys to notice you. “Hey, my jaw is made up of bits of dead people and metal scraps…so, what’s your story?”

3. You can always protect your children at school. When they have a bully harassing them, simply drive them to school one day, find said bully, and then pull your pants down a bit and show them all your hip scars and tell them you used to be a ninja and haven’t yet lost your fighting abilities so they better back off your kid or else.

2. You’ll be the queen or king of the “one up.” For example, if anyone is complaining about how rough life is, or how they just are SO sick they feel like they’re gonna die, or some other mundane gripe, you can always say “Yeah, man, I know what you mean. After my last surgery, after they took all that bone out of my hips/removed my fibula/ [insert appropriate surgical procedure here] and there was just blood pouring everywhere and I couldn’t walk for ages without excruciating pain or eat for days….shoot man, I feel ya. Rough times.”

And the number one reason why you'll be way cooler than other people after having had an ameloblastoma:

1. Nothing surprises you anymore. For example, you could go in for a routine check up and have your oral surgeon tell you he has to glue a dog fetus to your cheek and grow it for a year and then harvest the bones from it to graft into your jaw- and it doesn’t even make you flinch.


Anonymous said...

Great to see your "humor" bone wasn't removed with your amelo!

catalyst33 said...

Number 1 is my favorite ... funny but very true - as usual your blog gives me something to think about - Thanks - Cheryl

Canadiyank said...

You're just cooler than everyone else, anyway :)

Glad you're seeing the humour in things!

Anonymous said...

Thanks for making me laugh out loud - and it's only been a few weeks since my last major surgery! Great attitude.

Anonymous said...

thanks for this, i've been having a rough time dealing with recovery. and yeah number one does rock.