Saturday, November 1, 2008

Sorry its been so long

Just waiting for my surgery, it is in 6 days and I feel so anxious about it all. Usually the week before a surgery I get sick to my stomach, my anxiety is back in full force and I am really worried and tense. To make matters worse, Chris is leaving unexpectedly for a trip for his work for the next 4 days so I will be here at home dealing with my stress all alone. I am not looking forward to it.

I am sure most will think after so many surgeries, surely it gets easier? But really, I have developed such an unnatural fear of the doctors and surgery. Its like my mind associates surgery with pain and complications so I just get so worked up about it all, even something small(er) like this procedure. As soon as its time for that IV line I just break down and start to shake and cry, and the nights before I go in I worry about going under and never waking up again. I have mentioned before I am a bit of a control freak, and going under anesthesia, even for a short time, is totally letting go of any control and giving yourself up to someone else entirely and that is just so frightening for me. I know this is a tiny beans surgery compared to what I have already been through (13+ hours, anyone?) but it is still no less nerve wracking.

As usual in the days before and after my surgery there will be more blog posts and pictures. I know many on my ameloblastoma board are wondering what the implant process is like so I will definitely keep you all posted as to the procedure and the healing and how it all goes. Hopefully smoothly this time, as I have been out of the woods far to long to go backwards now. Wish me luck!

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