Sunday, July 27, 2008

Slacking, worrying and new jobs- oh my!

Sorry I have not updated, I just havent really been in the mood. Sometimes my blog gets me down because its all about my ameloblastoma, but sometimes I need it, so here I am again. Things have just been crazy this past week, first finding out I have to have yet another surgery, then the worry there wasnt enough bone to finish the surgeries, and then finding out there was, then the anxiety over getting a job, and then getting that job...told you its been insane.

Basically I am looking at another surgery here because part of my plate has to be removed. This sounds like it is fairly common, though I was not expecting to have another surgery like this again, thinking I was nearly done. The part in my mouth that is exposed is not getting any smaller, in fact it has gotten a bit more exposed even, and the doctors are saying it has to be cut out because as long as it is exposed I am at risk for infection. They havent decided whether they need to remove all of the plate or just that small part yet.

Basically the plate is only put in for stability when they cut the tumor and jaw bone out, and some doctors (from what I understand) remove it anyway after the patient has formed a new stable base of bone under it. It will be done intra orally so no neck cutting (thank god, I cant handle that again, just cant do it) and should be out patient surgery. My biggest issues are always with swelling, so I am scared and not looking forward to it of course.

My biggest concern now of course is my new job I just got- yesterday! We are hurting a bit financially, I have basically put my life on hold for 3 years now to deal with all of this and we just cant do it anymore. With as much as gas and food have been lately we are no longer able to get by the way we were on just one income living in Northern California, its just not happening. So I got a small night/weekend job at Barnes and Noble, a local cafe and bookstore, to supplement our income and help out with expenses. Its one of my favorite stores, and I have almost 6 years of experience working in a coffee shop from when I was in college so I think they are going to start me off in the cafe which will be nice. I can get out of the house a few hours a week and be around other adults which should be therapeutic and also bring in some income. SO no more saying I need surgery tomorrow, and giving me no time in advance! I am going to have to let them know I will need 2 weeks now to prepare for any procedure, because I need this job and do not want to lose it.

Having this new job is really important to me not just for the money but for me in a way its starting to live my life again. These past years in dealing with this thing have just been that- dealing with doctor appointments and surgeries and healing and all of that makes you forget you are actually human for a while and you feel like a walking medical anomaly. It is very draining. I am excited about what is to come, I just hope that things stay on the upswing for a while now because for a while there I was very worried about everything.

As usual, I'll keep you all updated (or try to be better about it, at any rate).

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