I am SO sorry!

I realized I havent update you all as I promised I would! How awful of me. Anyway, my last appointment went well. I saw Dr. Indresano this time, and he says he feels that the area will cover itself back up again. Worst case scenario is I may get an infection (with it being exposed there is always the possibility) and have to have a small piece of the plate removed, but that of course is worst case...other options are to put a small bit of skin over it, so it would be a much smaller skin graft than last time was, or even, he says, to leave it be- some people live with metal in their mouths exposed all the time, so we will see. Of course with me being so susceptible to infection I would feel better if it was covered up but I will leave the decision up to them.

I go back in next week for them to take an impression, as he wants them to make me a denture that actually has teeth on it that fits down there to wear for now until the implants are 100% ready to go. This bumper I wear is really uncomfortable and I dont wear it as often as I should, and he is concerned about my lip falling inwards again. So, that is it for now.

Oh and in other news, Chris and I have started plans to get married this winter, most likely in December when my surgeries are (hopefully) almost over, just in case anything happens with my insurance. I hope nothing major happens between now and then, we have been engaged for 3 years now (since right before the doctors found my tumor) and have been putting things off repeatedly due to always needing a new surgery or some other medical mishap that happened to me. We are really going to do it this time, and I am so excited!

I'll try to be better about updating.

Doctor appointment tomorrow

I know I havent updated in a while, things have been crazy with my birth board on my online community and I have been dealing with that craziness as well as being worried about my medical issues, so it's been a bit of an overload.

Anyway I have my doctor tomorrow at 10 am my time, I will find out just how bad everything is and we will decide where we are going to go from here. Please send good thoughts my way. I can handle another skin graft if I have to, as I know it would be smaller than this last one was but ultimately would of course like to not have anymore of these big surgeries in front of me! I am anxious and worried but trying to remain optimistic.

I'll update tomorrow...

Blah :(

I couldnt sleep last night.

It's my own fault. The way I deal with some things is to just not think about them or look at them. Well, what I should have done is look at what the doctor was talking about yesterday and I just didnt do it, so I am not *quite* sure what he is talking about. So I tried to look in there last night. Well, I can see a LOT of metal down there and I dont know if its the implants or if its supposed to look like that or what but it wasnt just 2 cm- it was a LOT of metal showing...is it more of the plate exposing itself already or what?

I am so freaked out and just feel sick all the time. I cant eat, and I am just always feeling like I want to throw up. I feel another surgery looming here...another skin graft at best to cover it back up again or...worse if I get an infection in there.

Please send good thoughts my way. I have come so far, and I just feel like I cant go on more if anything else bad happens.

First bad news in a while...

and I am not sure how to handle it really.

Today the doctors saw 2 cm of exposed area in the front of my mouth where the plate is as well as an area on the left that is thinning out and getting ready to become exposed. This is pretty bad because that means there is an opening down into all that nice fresh bone in there- what my body has been working on since September pretty much, and it is highly susceptible to infection. So the doctor put me back on antibiotics in the hopes of warding off infection, lots of oral rinses with salt water, no food down there, etc. The best outcome is that it will granulate back in and cover itself back up again- but the worst is just so bad that I dont even want to think about it.

But I cant help thinking about it.

This sucks. I am so tired of all of this. I want to give up but I cant and that sucks even more.