Wednesday, December 12, 2007


Sorry I havent posted lately, I've just been so busy- its that time of year! Anyway, I had a doctor appointment this morning. All looks well. I stopped my Augmentin yesterday (oral antibiotic) so I guess we will wait and see what happens. I know my doctor had mentioned he is nervous since I was only off the Zosyn for 4 days when I got that new infection last time so I guess we will see. I am nervous every minute of every day but am trying to just go on. I have dreams that I wake up and there is stuff coming out of my neck all the time too and it makes me restless at night.

My swelling looks a bit the same, the underside where the original infection was looks the same, but that could take a long time to go down because of all the infections. My biggest challenge these days is my appetite. I dont feel hungry, I could go ages without eating. Today it was 1:30 pm when I looked down and realized my hands were shaking because I had had a cup of coffee this morning and no food all day. Then, when I started to eat I was ravenous. I dont know why I am going so long without wanting to eat. Its frusrating, as I know I need to be eating at regular intervals but half the time I am just not hungry at all, and the other half of the time my body isnt telling me its hungry when it is, in fact, starving.

Another new issue is I have gotten so used to being sick that I just cannot think of myself as healthy anymore. Every little thing is cause for alarm. Its enough to drive anyone crazy. Today the doctor said he didnt need to see me next week, but could see me the week after- I asked for an appointment anyway. Its not that I want to go- I hate going every week- its just that I feel like if I make an appointment for 2 weeks away I will jinx myself and something bad will happen to me and I'll end up going anyway. Such is my life, I guess.

So other than that I am trying to take it day by day, and am still choking down those nasty vitamins every night. At this point I will just take not having any new infections, and that is what I am trying to focus on- staying healthy. Anything else good would just be a bonus.

Oh and here is a quick picture of me today (dont mind the shiny forehead- I dont wear makeup):
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