I am feeling a little down today.
I had something really embarassing happen to me yesterday. Well, actually two somethings that have brought me down a couple of notches. I am trying really hard to forget them but they took blows to my already fragile self esteem and it's just been kind of a rough morning for me today because I am still thinking about it all.
Yesterday I was in the car driving to get my daughter from her Day Camp. A bit in front of me is this car that is filled with guys. Well, they are leaning out the window and yelling things at me, which I can't really hear because my window is rolled up, but my son's window was rolled down. I was really embarassed and just kept driving and not looking at them. I ended up being at the light next to them, which I was trying to avoid but couldn't because they got into the lane next to me. Grrrr. So anyway, at the light I hear them saying nasty things, cat calling and all of that. I gave one of them my evil-mom-dirty glare and one of them was like "you're an ugly %$#@! anyway!" and they all started to laugh at me. I was beyond mortified. I literally wanted to die right there.
So I was feeling really upset and embarassed when I pulled up to Ashley's camp and she takes the time to inform me that one of her "friends" had made fun of me. I said "why?" she said "because they asked me what happened to your chin and that it stuck out funny." That was the last straw for me. I got really upset...I know I shouldnt care what a car full of little delinquents and some 4th grader said about me, but I do. It sucks. I get to this place where I think I am okay with looking "off" and then things like this happen. I mean, its a big difference from having to go out in public with your face swollen so you look like the elephant man and your chin caving in and what I look like today. I look fine from the front and weird from the side, and I hate that. I dont know if it will ever be fixed though. I am trying to not be greedy and be happy with how I look but its really hard when little things like this happen.
SO, that is why I am down today. I thought I was over caring what people think about how I look. I wish I could be there. I am trying really hard though. Hopefully one day I can just put this behind me and just not care anymore. I think what I hate the most about it all is it makes me feel so weak and lame and vain and I really hate feeling like that. :(