Newlywed :)

Just a few. I am so wonderfully tired- and elated. Now that this is done, I am just waiting for my next surgery so I can be completely happy!







And a close up of my odd new smile...I am so happy inside but it just doesn't show. Maybe after a while I will learn how to smile again:

Missing my smile

I cant smile anymore showing my teeth. My bottom teeth sit below my lower lip now due to all the bone loss and when I try to smile, all you can see is my top teeth and my lower lip kinda goes in. It looks goofy. Also, my mouth doesnt move the way it used to when I try to smile, so it just ends up looking more like a grimace than a smile. I have tried and tried but I just cant seem to do it so it looks normal. I am sad because in my wedding pics I will be smiling but not 'really' smiling the way I used to be able to.

I miss my smile. :(

Sorry I am MIA

Things are crazy planning the wedding and our trip to Las Vegas. It will be my first time on an airplane and I am so nervous! It really doesn't help that an airplane actually went down this week in the news because of a flock of birds flying into the engines (Hello! They're BIRDS- they fly in the sky. Its what they DO, fer cryin' out loud!) So yeah, I am not feelin' too hot on air travel right now. *sigh. Then there are a few other things we are trying to wrap up. Chris got his suit today and I got shoes, which I am not too fond of. I may take them back and get others but at least I have a pair just in case. Are all dress shoes so uncomfortable?! I guess I am just not a "heels" kind of girl. My mom is sewing my dress. She is a pretty great seamstress and it only cost $30 for the fabric and pattern so hopefully it comes out the way I want. My dress is a cream color, with a wide champagne/golden colored sash around the middle. It is tea length (ie, short) and fairly casual. Its nothing too fancy, as there is just no way I wanted something like that. Even before anything happened to my face I was never cool with being around a lot of people and this is just the kind of simple, casual thing that I want for Chris and I to finally legalize our relationship together.

Hopefully I can afford a few pictures, the photographer is so expensive and I am sad none of my awesome photography gals live near LV to help us out with that part of it all but I will get at least one good one to share.

As far as surgeries go, we are at a standstill until at least this is over, so they will probably want to get in there the last week of Jan/ first week of Feb to attach the teeth. The one implant where the top came off has a little bubble on it. It has been worrying me but it doesn't look too different than the other areas on the floor of my mouth so I am trying not to worry about it. There is no pain or redness or anything and I keep my mouth very clean.

I'll keep you all posted!

Goin' to the chapel and we're

gonna get married!

That's right folks, finally! January 24th is the date. We're goin' to Las Vegas, baby! I am so excited. Not only because we're getting married but because I have never been to Vegas and I have never flown in an airplane before so it will be a lot of firsts. :)

Naturally I'm not going to be your typical "bride." This thing has made me just so shy to be seen in front of people that we are only taking one good friend with us. I was putting it off and putting it off until I felt that my face was back to normal enough or I was "pretty again" but the truth is I just want to be married to the guy I love and I may never look the way I looked before so I am sick of all the waiting. It also sucks that I dont feel pretty enough to be able to wear any kind of wedding dress or have any attention bestowed upon me but at least we are going to do it finally. We are going between just doing it there at the courthouse in Vegas when we get our license or just doing it with us 3 (our best friend is coming with us) at a small chapel, I just dont know what all I am comfortable with yet. I told my surgeons NO surgeries between the 19th and the 27th so if they dont get these teeth attached next week then its just not going to happen until the very end of January or beginning of February. It's time for some ME time and surgeries will have to wait!

Of course I will have some pictures when we get back. This is a bit of brightness and happiness in all the craziness that has been my life over the past 3 years. Only a couple weeks left- I cant wait!

All is well

Turns out it was just the healing abuttment that came off, not the implant itself. They took x-rays just to be sure and it is still firmly implanted in the bone. Thank God! I dont recall being so worried in a long time, I felt like I was going to throw up all night and morning until the doctors saw me. They decided against screwing it back in (thank God!) and are just going to let it stay off since my surgery is coming up here in the next week or so anyway. It has formed a bubble over the hole where it was screwed in already so I dont have to worry about getting infection or anything in there while I am waiting. So no pain, just got sent home and all is well. Thank you for all the good thoughts!

Worried

I've been up all night. Last night something metal fell into my cheek while I was laying on my side watching TV. I looked in my mouth and it was the very middle implant (I have 5). I dont know a lot about the implants and what they look like so I am praying it is just the healing cap and not the entire thing. I am looking at it and the thing that worries me is the screw part on the bottom. I thought the healing caps would be like the lugnuts that go onto the screw if that makes sense, so seeing that screw part on the bottom is making me very very anxious. They had told me when I had the surgery that they thought they were going to lose that implant for a while and it has been swelling up and getting a lump on it (I think I posted about that a while ago and being worried at seeing a new lump in my mouth). Now that it is out I see the lump must have been the top working its way out because the floor of my mouth is smooth there now where the implant was. I am just sick with worry because I want this to all be okay and not to have to have another implant put back in before what was supposed to be my final surgery. I am worried either way because if it wasnt the entire thing and they have to screw that top back on, the tissue down there has covered the hole back up again so either way when they try to get that thing back in there its going to be very painful. I cant stop feeling wroried about it. Please think of me and I will update when I get back, I am going to finish getting my daughter ready for school and then head to the hospital to see my doctors.

Here is a picture of it, I put it in a baggie:

"Accept yourself."

That is what was in my fortune cookie tonight at the Chinese restaurant we ate at (of course I wasnt able to eat the darn cookie, I had to give it to my daughter. *sigh. One day soon).

But really, what a perfect way to start my new year. "Accept yourself." Such a simple statement but also what I really hope 2009 brings.

I think this will be my year! Happy New Year, everyone!