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Sorry I havent posted in a bit, getting ready for my next big surgery here which will be Sept 11th or 12th. As usual before any of my big surgeries the fear starts to set in...I start to think morbid thoughts and pretty much just try to prepare myself for anything that might happen. The scary thing about surgery is really just losing all control. I am pretty much a self-admitted control freak, so basically the whole putting my life in the hands of the doctors and the anesthesiologist freaks me out a bit. Today I didnt eat until about 1 and even then I had to force myself to eat because I was shaking from my morning '6 cups of coffee' routine.

On the home front things have been rough as well. As if I don't have enough on my plate, my daughter's most recent ADHD medication just isn't working out- unfortunately we find this out less than a week before she starts the second grade. Argh! We have yet to have an 'official' diagnosis, so this whole med game we have been playing is getting really old. I am looking forward to when we can find out what all is wrong and address the issues instead of just saying 'well lets try this med and then this one,' etc. Fortunately she is going to be evaluated by the school psychologist this winter and maybe then if we can get a referral to go through with her medical insurance we can get her in to see a specialist. I am not yet satisified with a simple unofficial diagnosis of ADHD through the pediatrician, I have suspected since I first began my research on ADD and ADHD that she has sensory integration issues and possibly some bi-polar as well. Without her being on meds (she has been off since Friday) she has been an absolute wreck, and consequently so am I. So much for resting up before major surgery huh?!

I have decided that this time around I am going to document my surgery, so if you are squeamish you may not want to check any of September's entries ;). I want to take pictures, including before and afters. The new plate they will be putting in is going to be significantly smaller than this one I have now, and set further back. They are also aiming for a more feminine jawline, which is less angled and squared off. My 'old chin' and jawline was fairly pointy, so this new one I have not liked as much and have never gotten used to the chin part jutting out as far as it does (I hit it on everything). Its not all about me not liking it though, the skin is really stretched thin because it's way too large for my face, and my poor bottom lip is sinking in. With them making it less squared off they are thinking it will ease that lip a bit so its not so tight.

They are taking bone from both of my hips this time instead of just one hip and from the front (anterior) instead of the back (posterior). Usually the posterior hip bone is larger but in my CT scan it showed mine are larger in the front so they will make incisions in both of my hips and take the bone and then cut my throat again and graft the bone into place as well as replace the bar while they are in there. It has been so long since I have had big surgery like this one (the ones from that first major surgery/tumor removal up til now have been smaller) and I do not remember much but I do remember two things: the pain and the horrible swelling. Yet as with all things I do what I have to do. Hopefully this time is the charm. I'll keep everyone updated as well as I can. If you can spare exra good thoughts and healing vibes, send them my way!