Tuesday, June 5, 2007

Feeling some shock right now

Doctors say the bar in my jaw (or rather the bar that IS my jaw) looks like it is getting ready to break through the skin of my chin so they have to remove it and replace it with a new, smaller one. I have seen it getting tight there and you can actually see some of the bumps, it looks like a bike chain almost, pushing through on the underside of my chin on the left hand side. That side healed up crooked so I thought that was the only issue, this is a whole new thing to me that this could happen. The area has tightened so much my chin now juts forward and it is pulling the skin on my face too tightly. This has sped up the big surgery date to more like beginning of August (also my 26th birthday- Happy Birthday, Tina- now lets cut your face open again!).

In the same surgery I am also going to have both hips cut and bone taken and then put in my mouth. Dr's will have to cut my throat again (this is the 3rd time) to put it all in. I am feeling so anxious, scared, sick and nervous but because of the problems we are having with the bar it looks like this surgery will be sooner rather than later as I had hoped. With both hips cut I will be laid up for a while- how can I care for two small children when I cannot walk? I have a toddler and a 7 yr old, and we happen to live in an upstairs apartment. *Sigh.* This does not help with my nerves!

I actually had two options, one was to go with a new doctor and have the fibula used in some procedure called a fibular free flap, which has a higher success rate but only by 3-5% higher. The problem with that, the dr, said is finding someone who would take my case with my kind of medical insurance. If I do this surgery that we are thinking of doing I stay with the same team of surgeons, and no problems with trying to find a new doctor- that really speeds up the process. So I am thinking I am going to go ahead and do this now, before the bar breaks through and I have a whole new host of problems to deal with. What scares me is I wouldnt even know if the bar was about to come through until it just popped through the skin and started to bleed, because the area where it is coming through is completely numb. I lost all feeling in my chin when they severed that nerve back during my first surgery.

The hope is that this time around it works. The surgeon said that with the first surgery I had it is usually about a 90% success rate so they are unsure why mine failed, I am only 26 and healthy otherwise (as far as we know). But I had just had a baby 4 weeks before my big surgery, as well as the fact they only took bone from one hip and there was barely enough so that may have all contributed to the first failure. This time I will have in depth scans to measure the bone in both my hips so they know exactly what they are working with beforehand. Hopefully this time is the charm and it works, so I can get some bone in there for implants or at least a denture.

Anyway, just wanted to let everyone know where I stand. I feel so many emotions right now its hard to even think.


Shannon said...

Just wanted to say that I'm here for you. I figured you'd blog about it. Sometimes, things fall into place (even if they're scary) and make our big decisions for us when we aren't sure what to do. For me it's a faith thing. I think that this surgery is going to work. I'm going to focus all my positive thoughts and prayers on that.

You are still one of the strongest people I know, whether you realize it or not.

Jessi (littlelovebug21) said...

I have been thinking of you and praying. Just wanted to let you know that I was still reading.