Sorry I havent posted any updates lately. I have been trying very hard to up my morale, and it seems to be working. The last time I was at the doctors they told me I should talk to a health care professional and get on some sort of anti-depressant. Translation: we think you are on the verge of cracking and you need to see a shrink. After talking to a few people about it I realized I didnt want to be relying on pills for my every day existence. I have never been one to like medications much anyway. Granted I could surely use the advice of someone in the field who could help me on this emotional and physical journey I am on but sometimes the red tape just seems too much for me to handle, especially right now. The way my medical insurance works, it has to be falling off or gangrening in order for them to push a referral through.

So I have been trying to do things in the meantime to naturally boost my morale. The biggest and best thing has been getting out of the house. I knew alot of my depression was related to my anti-social behavior and hiding at home but I never realized how much. To anyone suffering from depression or anxiety, I tell you this is the BEST thing you can do. Its amazing what a difference getting out there among other human beings has made to my overall emotional state. I have been in such a better mood because of it. The past few days I have been walking to get my daughter from school. We live a little over a mile from the school and half is up hill. I walked it one Sunday afternoon with Chris to get a feel for it so as not to get in over my head with a 20 month old in a stroller and me deciding my poor little legs just could go no further.....surprisingly enough it was not that bad at all! So I have been trying to walk to get her when its not raining and Aron and I both really enjoy that. Its amazing how great I feel after walking two miles every day.

Along with the walking I have been drinking less soda and taking multi-vitamins. I have also been indulging in hobbies and passtimes that really enjoy, such as reading and cross stitching. These passtimes are oft forgotten once you enter mommy hood, but they are so needed in order to make you feel human again! Spending more time doing those things rather than sitting on the computer has really helped. Dont get me wrong, I love my online mommy friends dearly and have known some of them since November of 2004 when we first found out we were pregnant, its just that I often find myself so immersed in the online world that hours pass and when I find myself back in reality I am faced with a dirty house, clinging children and having felt like I did nothing for myself that day.

So all in all, I have been taking better care of me. And it has been working very well! Of course that's not to say that it still isnt always in the back of my mind about what happens next...I have yet to hear from the surgeons about when my next surgery will be and what all it will entail. Chris mentioned the other day that I need to call them myself but I just dont know why that is so difficult to do. I think in a way that is just me, I like to say 'I will just live today for today and not worry about tomorrow,' but in reality its very important for me to know the next step. If I just wait for it to hit me it may hit me very hard and I dont know how I will deal. So I need to get the courage up to call. I will let you all know what happens when I do.